Fascinating：　Glamour. Enchant, Charm, Captivate.

temptation 　hangover　Promised Land 　outdoor recreation. 　

Intelligent Design 知的設計論　Creationism　天地創造論

I'm not free tonight. Give me a rain check. Wisdom Teeth

She feels dizzy. chilly sick 　That was a big help.

Longtime no see. How have you been. Who is speaking? Could you identify yourself?

How can I begin? Do you have any advice? I'd like to facilitate the teleconference efficiently. May I ask your advice?

Would you mind if we stop and walk around a little? - No. not at all. Would you mind going a little slower?

I saw you come out of the convenience store. I saw him go to the courthouse. I saw you cross the road. I saw you crossing the road. When I see you move I can tell you are a dancer. Must be exciting to see them doing the move together.

Would you like to leave a message? Can I have a message? Anything else?

How do you like your coffee?　 Iced Coffee. Tea with milk. With cream, please. Black, please. Say when. When.

Thank you for your time. /your kindness. /your advice. 　Not at all.

It's the feeling that I get from the people.

I'd love to taste the pasta that you make.

As soon as practical.

His nose is running. His eyes is puffy. he has a sneeze,cold,fever,headache and backache.

I7m a little disappointed. I feel relieved. I feel grate, touched.

I have been waiting for the oppertunity. Chikened out. Blinker. keep going.

Pink Slip (解雇通知) Undies for battle. I love you for the rest of my life.

to really listen. different way of considering life. confident. personarity.

private question. Fresh Prince. You did a good job. Better. Excellent.

Practical consideration. lifesaver.

Would you please call for a taxy? Should I call in a doctor?

You really helped me break the ice.

Saying goodbye always break my heart. 　Break a leg !

What is for dinner? May I have the recipe?

Do you have any local dishes?　 Could you recomend--　　We are famous in --

That'll be 32 dollars. 　Give me five dollars back, please. 　Keep the change.

Can you change this into dollars? I'll take 8 tens and 5 ones. Let me check it.

I feel power！（力がわいてきたぜ）

How do you do that? I'd love to.

It's harder than I thought. Did you put in a lot of time and effort making these?

She feel dizzy/sick/chilly. 　Thank you very much. That was a big help.

Thank you for your help. I'll miss you. We'll miss you, too. It was nice meeting you.
Take it easy. Let's keep in touch. Have a nice trip home.

How do you feel? It's rather hard. How's this. Very nice. 　It's rather cheap.

invincible template 　What in it?　You did a grate job.　 strong, rich, thick

30-60-80sqm, 150-200sqm: 70,000 - 100,000Baht/sqm

I feel so lost without you. 　What would you like to do with it? 　How do you do that?

I'd love to. Are you new here? 　I wish I could.　 I've got to go.

It's harder than what I thought. 　Yes, but so far so good.

Matsui is floating under the radar.　You cannot judge book by the cover.

I made a reservation for standard twin room. Do you have a confirmation slip? Sorry for the mistake. That's OK.

Pianissimo　DRAM　AMORN（修理） This is your gift.(神からの贈り物)

Steamed Milk (ホットミルク) Good Job!　Marry into money (玉の輿）　

How do I start the pump. unleaded gas, operate hundle, return nozzle. Have a nice day You too.

Can I try them on? The fitting room is over here. How do I look. Look nice on you. I'll take it.

Traditional japanese noodle served hot in the pot.

Ｓｈｅ　ｓｅｌｌｓ　ｓｅａｓｈｅｌｌｓ　ｂｙ　ｔｈｅ　ｓｅａｓｈｏｒｅ

Dear Dr.Phil, 親愛なるフイル博士、 When I retired, I could hardly wait to spend time enjoying my favorite pastime -- bass fishing. 私が引退した時は、私は私のお気に入りの気晴らしーバス釣りーをするのを待ち切れないほど楽しみでした。

I got my own little fishing boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.
私は自分のフィッシング・ボートを得ました、　そして私の妻が私と一緒に釣りに加わらせようと試みましたが、彼女はどうしても釣りを好みませんでした。

Finally, one day at the Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do.
結局、或る日釣りの餌と巻揚げ器具店で、その店主で私と同様にバス釣りを愛するようになったサムとお話をせざるを得ませんでした。

We quickly became fishing buddies.
私達は急速に釣り仲間になりました。

As I said the wife doesn't care about fishing.
私が申上げたとおり、妻は釣りに興味ありません。

She not only refuses to join u! s she a lways complains that I spend too much time fishing.
彼女は私達に加わるのを拒否するだけではなく、常に私が釣りに余りに時間を取り過ぎると文句を言います。

A few weeks ago Sam and I had the best fishing trip ever.
2〜3週間前、サムと私は未だ嘗て無い 最高の釣り旅行をしました。

Not only did I catch the most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must have caught his twin brother!
私が嘗て見たことも無いほどの最高の美しいバスを捕らえたのみならず、その2〜3分後にはサムがその魚の双子の兄弟を捕らえたのでした！

So I took a picture of Sam holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested.
そこで私は、私達が捕らえたその２尾の素晴らしいバスを持上げている写真を撮りました、そして、妻が多分興味を持つかも知れないことをきぼうししつつその写真を妻に見せました。

Instead she says she doesn't want me to go fishing at all anymore!
ところがあろうことか、彼女は私が今後一切釣りに出掛けることを望まないと言うのです。

And she wants me to sell the boat!
そして彼女は私がそのボートを売却する様に望むのです。

I think she just doesn't like to see me enjoying myself.
私が思うに、彼女は私自身が楽しむのを単に好まないのです。

What would you do?
どうすればよいのでしょう？

Tell the wife to forget it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
妻にそんなことは忘れろと言って私のホビーを継続するか、又は、彼女が主張している通りに釣りを止めて、そのボートを売却すべきなのでしょうか？

Thanks,
有難う、

PS Enclosed is a picture of Sam with the two bass we caught
追伸：私達が捕らえた例の２尾のバスを持っているサムの写真を同封します。

Dear Fisherman, Get rid of that narrow minded wife. That's a nice pair of bass!

DR Phil

中国は2008のオリンピックに備えて英語に磨きをかけている???
http://www.engrish.com/

”

Michelle Wie - Golf Humor

Matching lavender outfit: $200
New pair of French sunglasses: $100
NIKE products Endorsements: $10,000,000
Having a "special place" to hold your putter . . . PRICELESS

The picture below has 2 identical dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's Hospital.
Look at both dolphins jumping out of the water. The dolphins are identical.
A closely monitored, scientific study revealed that, in spite of the fact that the dolphins are identical,
a person under stress would find differences in the two dolphins.
The more differences a person finds between the dolphins, the more stress that person is experiencing.
Look at the photograph and if you find more than one or two differences you may want to take a vacation.



No Need to Reply, I'll be on Vacation

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
貴方が海外出張からお帰りになる前に、私は貴方に一寸知っておいて頂きたいのは、私のピックアップ・トラックで家の車寄せに入った時の小さな事故に就いてです。 幸いにも、左程悪いものでなく、私は本当に何も怪我しませんでした、ですから私に就いてはどうぞ余りご心配なさらないで下さい。

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.
私は、ウオールマートからの帰りで、家の車寄せに曲がった時 偶々ブレーキの替りにアクセルを踏込んだのでした。 ガレージのドアは、僅かに曲がっていますが、幸運なことにそのピックアップ・トラックは、貴方の車にぶつかって止まりました。

I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart.
本当にごめんなさいね、でも貴方は親切な性格で私を赦して下さるだろうことを私は知っています。

I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
私は、貴方の為に一枚写真を同封します。 私は貴方を再度私の腕の中に抱きしめるのを待ちきれません。

Your loving wife,
貴方の愛する妻、
Ｍadeline
マドレーヌ

追伸：　貴方の女友達からお電話がありました。

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.

Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*

Take the time to live!!!
Life is too short. Dance naked

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
男の成功者とは、彼の妻が使える以上のお金を稼ぐ人である。

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
女の成功者とは、その様な男を見出せる人である。
_____________________________
HAPPINESS
幸福

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
男と共に幸福になるには、貴女は彼を沢山理解し、そして彼をほんの少しだけ
愛さねばならない。

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
女と共に幸福になるには、貴方は彼女を沢山愛し、そして彼女を理解しよう等とは
決して試みないようにせねばならない。
______________________________
LONGEVITY
長寿

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
既婚の男は独身の男より長生きするが、既婚の男はもっと喜んで死ぬ。
______________________________
PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
変化に対する性癖・傾向

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
女は、男が変わることを期待して結婚するが、彼は変らない。

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
男は、女が変らないことを期待して結婚するが、彼女は変る。
_____________________________
DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
討論テクニック・技巧

A woman has the last word in any argument.
女は、どんな口論に於いてもその最後の言葉を持つ。

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
男が何を言っても、その後　それが新しい口論の始まりとなる。

___________________________
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
結婚するように勧めて貴方を困らせる人達を止める方法

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
年とったおばさん達が結婚式の度に私によって来ては、私の脇腹を突付いてキャッキャ笑いながら私に"この次は貴方よ”と言うのが常であった。 彼女等が止めたのは、私が彼女等に同じことを葬式の度に始めた後である。

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.

Hole-in-one?: http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=VE46625910
a Jacquie Lawson electronic greeting card. Please click on the following link to see your card. If your e-mail program has not displayed this as a link, then please copy the following into the Address or Location bar of your Internet browser.
http://www.jacquielawson.com/viewcard.asp?code=VE46625910 　
Alternatively, please visit www.jacquielawson.com and select the Pick Up Card option in the menu. Then enter your card code, which is: VE46625910
If you have any problem at all viewing your card, please click here:　
http://www.jacquielawson.com/help_1.asp　
If you do not wish to receive e-cards from jacquielawson.com, please click here:　
http://www.jacquielawson.com/donotsend.asp

What Grandmas Know
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster,
too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you to the electric chair."

Jokes

"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked, after folding the items the woman wanted to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked curiously.
"No," she replied," but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
so I figured this was the most evil thing I could legally do to him."

A man walked into a pharmacy and wandered up and down the aisles. The sales girl noticed him and asked him if she could help him. He answered that he was looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directed him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposited a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. The salesgirl, looking confused, asked, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?”
He replied, "Well, I’ll tell you, it's like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers, ‘cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper’. So, I figure, if I have to roll my own, so does she...”

UNQUOTE <スペイン語でのｈ（アチェ）も無音...フランス語のｈ（アッシュ　ミュエ h　muet１）同様に..>

Subject: Going through Paris at full speed with a Ferrari...

Dear Friends,

Here is an amazing video of 8 minutes shot in Paris by the famous Claude Lelouch : 　http://files.stuntcook.com:8000/files/14356_1128590866.mov

I believe that nobody would dare today to drive at that speed through the "city of lights".

The video was made with a Ferrari 275 GTB and its duration is 8 minutes (you may need to wait few minutes to download it from the web site according to your connection speed).

Drive safely during the week-end !

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.
下記は4つの質問と　1つのボーナス質問です。

You have to answer them instantly.
貴方はそれらに即答しなければなりません。

You can't take your time, answer all of them
immediately. OK?
貴方は時間をかける事は出来ません、それらの全てに
瞬時に回答願います。準備 OKですか?

Let's find out just how clever you really are....
さあ、貴方が実際に如何に利口かを発見しましょう....

Ready? GO!!! (scroll down)
準備出来てますか？　では始めて下さい!!!(スロール・ダウン開始)

First Question:
第一の質問：

You are participating in a race.
貴方はレース(競争)に参加しています。

You overtake the second person.
貴方は二番の人を追い越します。

What　position are you in?
貴方の位置は何番目にありますか？

Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
　答え：若し貴方が一番と答えたら、それは完全に間違っています！。
　若し貴方が、二番目の人を追い越せば、貴方はその人の位置を得るので、貴方は二番です。

Try not to screw up next time.
次回はへまをしない様に試みてください。

Now answer the second question,
さあ、第二の質問に答えてください、

but don't take as much time as you took for the first question, OK?
但し　貴方が第一の質問にかけた様には時間をかけてはいけません。OKですか？

Second Question:
第二の質問：

If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
(scroll down)
若し貴方が最後尾の人を追い抜いたら、その時　貴方は...? (スクロール・ダウン)

Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?

答え：若し貴方が、貴方は最後から二番目と答えたのなら、それは又もや間違いです。
　　　言うまでも無く、どうやって貴方は　その最後尾の人を追い越すことが出来るのですか？

You're not very good at this, are you?
どうやら　貴方は　これでは　あまり良くない様ですね？

Third Question:
第三の質問：

Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only.
とてもトリッキー(落し穴のある）算数!　注：これは貴方の頭の中だけでやらねばなりません。

Do　NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
紙や鉛筆　又は計算機は使用しないこと。　では試して下さい。

Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add 10. What is the total?
まず1000を取り、そしてそれに40を足してください。　そこで更にもうひとつ別の1000を足して下さい。
そこで30を足して下さい。　更にもう一つ別の1000を足して下さい。そこで20を足して下さい。
そこで更にもう一つ別の1000を足して下さい。そこで10を足して下さい。　その合計は？

Scroll down for answer.....
スクロール・ダウンして　答えは.....

Did you get 5000?
貴方の結果は　5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.
その正しい解答は実際には4100です。

If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
若し貴方がそれを信じないなら、計算機でそれをチェックして見て下さい。

Today is definitely not your day, is it?
今日は決して貴方の日では無い様ですね？そうではありませんか？

Maybe you'll get the last question right........Maybe.
多分貴方は最後の質問の正解を得るでしょう.... ....多分。

Fourth Question:
第四の質問：

Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
メアリーの父親は5人の娘を持っています；1.Nana(:ナナ), 2.Nene(:ネネ),3.Nini(:ニニ),
4. Nono(:ノノ). その5番目の娘の名前は何でしょう？

Did you Answer Nunu?
貴方の答えは　Nunu(:ヌヌ)でしたか？

NO! Of course it isn't.
いいえ、勿論そうではありません。

Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
彼女の名前はMary(:メアリー)です。その質問をもう一度読んで下さい!。

Okay, now the bonus round:
オーケー,さあそれでは　ボーナス・ラウンド：

A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush.
一人の唖者(:ものをいえない障害者)が店に入って、歯ブラシを買いたい。

By　imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and! the purchase is　done.
彼は歯を磨く行為を手真似で行うことで、彼の意図を店員に成功裡に表現し！ そして購買が為されました。

Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
次に、一人の盲目者(:目が見えない障害者 )がその店に入って、サン・グラス(:色眼鏡)を買いたい；　どうやって彼は彼の買いたいと思うものを示しましたか？

He just has to open his mouth and ask...
彼は単に彼の口を開いて依頼を伝えねばならない...

It's really very simple.... Like you!
それは実際に極めて単純に....貴方と同じ様に！

PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE!
これを貴方の日常に於ける利口で賢い人々にフラストレーションを与えるべく回してあげて下さい。

The US Postal Service created a stamp earleir this year with a picture of President Bush to honor his achievements while in office.

However, it was found that in daily use the stamp was not sticking to envelopes at all.

So the President established a blue ribbon commission to determine the reason for such a defect.

After a month's testing, the commission made the following findings:

1. The stamp was found to be in perfect order.

2. There was nothing wrong with the consistency of the applied adhesive.

3. People were just spitting on the wrong side.

Humour !

Although you may have no problem in reading the mail text and that in attachement, I'm adding some notes.

1. Text
DGSE is an organization assimilable to CIA.
Villejuif is a town in southern vicinity of Paris. I was living there during my first assignment in Paris.
"maussade" is pronounded in the same way as "MOSSAD", Israelite intelligence service.

2. Attachement
RATP operates Paris metro and bus.

Please enjoy.


Subject: Humour !

Cher Amis,

Voici un exemple d'humour "republicain" :

Un are = 100 m2
Un hectare = 10 000 m2
et.................................................
Un guemare = 600m2

Voici un exemple d'humour "DGSE" (Direction Generale de la Securite Exterieure) :

Monsieur Arafat etant arrive a Paris fatigue, il tomba dans le coma. Apres quelques jours de sommeil, il se reveilla et l'un des agents secrets francais presents dans la piece s'empressa de le rassurer en lui glissant a l'oreille :
"Monsieur Arafat, ne vous en faites pas, tout va bien, vous etes a Villejuif et le temps est maussade..."
Sur ce, Monsieur Arafat retomba illico et de facon surprenante dans le coma pour ne jamais refaire surface...

Et vous trouverez en attache un exemple d'humour syndicaliste...

Amicalement,

And God replies, "In a second."

A True Friend : 真の友

Friendshp Between Women:
女性間の友情：

A woman didn't come home one night. The next day, she told her husband that she had slept over
at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends.
None of them knew anything about it.
　１人の女性が１晩無断外泊した。　その翌日、彼女は夫に女友達の家に泊まったのだと言った。
　その男性：夫は、彼の妻が最も親しい１０人の女友達に電話をしてみた。
　しかし、その女友達の誰も、それ（：外泊）に就いては何も知らなかったとのこと。

Friendship Between Men:
　男性間の友情：

A man didn't come home one night. The next day, he told his wife that he had slept over
at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends.
Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
　１人の男性が１晩無断外泊した。　その翌日、彼は妻に男友達の家に泊まったのだと言った。
　その女性：妻は、彼女の夫が最も親しい１０人の男友達に電話をしてみた。
　すると、そのうちの８人は彼(：夫）が彼(:男友達仲間）の家に泊まったと断言した、そして、残りの２人は
　その上、彼（：夫）はまだ其処に居るとさえ言い張った。

Woods; Number
One(1)……….Driver
Two(2)……….Brushie
Three(3)……..Spoon
Four(4)………Buffie
Five(5)………Creek